A friend called me up just before and was asking what the hell do we do when we go back to work.
Tough question, fo’ sho’. Well here’s bing’s tips on how to impress your kids and your co-teacher.
The classic one is that dolphins are mammals, not fish. It never gets old. After that, ask them where English comes from. When you tell them it’s from England and NOT America, the alpha brain waves start pulsating. Another good one is that, like Japan but unlike Korea, Australia has a Prime Minister, which is different to a president but it’s complicated.
If that doesn’t work, explain what foggy means. It’s like cloudy, but down on the ground.
Tell them pasta comes from China, as do glasses, that TV was invented in England, that the Internet was invented by the US military, but don’t worry, it’s OK, Korea built the world’s tallest building.
Tell them that only Korea uses metal chopsticks, and they are more difficult to use which of course means that Korea is better, even better than Japan.
Impress students and co-teachers alike by pointing out the top left bit of the Australian flag is the same as the UK flag. Explain what the UK is, that it’s not just England but that the cross of St George makes up the red and white bit.
Explain that they speak English in India, too, but don’t bother complaining about their phone reps. That will be lost on the Koreans.
Tell them stuff like there are 50 stars on the US flag. Then ask them how many US states there are.
If you wanna go deep, ask them how many stripes are on the US flag… and why?
Then you can point out, er, stuff, like what the stars on the Aussie flag mean, and why they are seven-pointed.
Sorry to sound like that, but there’s only so many times one can explain the verb, “to be”.
Check this out. My mate just went to work. He wasn’t a happy camper. Understandably.
But here’s why. It ain’t the work factor. Cop this. This chick, old chick who attends his college gets paid to attend. But one day she missed a class. But my mate, knowing that she stuffed up, gave her a leg up, and let it slide.
But no. No, that’s not good enough. So she informed the professors. She informed the professors that she can’t be paid money. One month later and my mate is still dealing with her. Everyone wants to forget about it, save face, never happened, but this woman keeps insisting that she not be paid.
Wo’ da’ fo’?
It’s raining. A kid walked past. Was smoking out on the hallway. Me, not the kid. Anyway,apart from the umbrella said kid was holding, what else was the kid carrying?
That’s right. An umbrella.